Consent & Hypnosis: it‘s okay to change your mind. But, be honest!
Consent matters in hypnosis. It’s wrong for anyone to try to make you do something you don’t want to, even (or perhaps especially) in trance.
That’s why I make a point of asking potential subjects up front what they want to get out of their hypnosis experience; and why we agree what’s going to happen in a session, before it starts.
But remember… consent is a flexible thing, and it’s completely okay to change your mind, or withdraw your consent, at any time. Whether you want to alter what’s happening in a session, or back out of getting hypnotised alltogether, you have an absolute right to do that.
Any hypnotist who tries to stop you is - at least - behaving unethically; and in some circumstances illegaly as well.
That said, if you do change your mind, I ask that you be honest and tell me.
Twice recently I’ve had potential new subjects back out just as we were starting a session… by ending the video call from their end, and blocking me. With not even a message to explain. Frankly, that’s just plain rude.
Especially when, as hypnotists, we give of our time for free. Believe me when I say that there’s good money to be made charging for what we do in recreational hypnosis sessions, if we choose to take it.
This isn’t selfishness, I want to know that you’re alright, and give you the chance to talk through any concerns or worries you have. Those who’ve chatted with me, or gone under with me, will know that I’m not evil, and that I genuinely care about YOUR welfare and want you to enjoy the hypnosis experience as much as I do.
So, please take the time to talk.
Remember: whether you get hypnotised is your choice, but so is good manners.
Just had the absolute pleasure of an all-too-brief session with one of the best subjects I’ve ever worked with. Thank you Tom, hope to do more sessions with you soon!
If you’re a teenager or in your early twenties, and want to go under, get in touch with a photo and your details and we’ll arrange a session.
If someone send you a request to be hypnotized by you, how much time does it need to get in touch with this person?
If you are chosen to be a subject, then I usually contact you within a day or two, often much sooner. I get too many requests to hypnotise than I can manage, though, so I do pick and choose subjects according to the criteria on my Tumble ‘Get Hypnotised’ page.
I get roughly 20 requests to hypnotize people a month; and simply don’t have time to work with all the people who want me to put them under. In fact, I usually only choose two or three new subjects each month.
There are a few things I especially look for in subjects, and these are how I choose who I am going to hypnotize:
A conversation. Don’t jump right in and start calling me sir, demanding to be hypnotized straight away. It’s rude, unnatractive, and I will block you. Be yourself, and be willing to have a conversation so we can get to know each other.
Realism. I love hypnosis, and am a skilled hypnotist, but be realistic about what you want to achieve and understand that sone things are not possible, or will take time to achieve.
Know what you want. Even if it’s just to ‘have a go’ at getting hypnotized. Don’t expect me to decide what will happen in a session by myself - it’s unethical and I’m not going to.
Be prepared to share some basic information about yourself. You might not be open about your interest in hypno, and that’s fine, I’m not going to tell anyone! But, I do expect you to be open with me, which includes telling me your name, your age, and sharing a photo. No photo = no trance, period.
And finally, understand that I select subjects based on a range of factors which include age, appearance and location. If you’re a cute, twink from the UK, chances are I’m going to be more interested than if you’re overweight, older, or hairy… that’s just who I am.
Hopefully that helps clear things up. If you’ve read this, and you want to talk about going under, get in touch.
That’s strange, but if you’re having trouble let you an always email contact@hypnomaster.uk or use the contact form on the ‘get hypnotised’ page of my Tumblr.
Sorry, I don’t. Although I’m happy to help any subject I work with if I can, I’m not a qualified therapist, and topics like that are usually best left to people who are.
In the course of my hypno endeavors, I have met many subs who have been abused. I have also read extensively and been fortunate to have met other tists who have taught me a thing or two. I think I understand now how abusive tists can rope a sub into a toxic relationship that the captivated sub may be unable (or unintentionally unwilling) to leave.
I have debated with myself long and hard whether or not to write a post describing the techniques of a hypno-abuser. In the end, I think the wrong people will get to (or figure out) this information anyway. Hopefully, this post can get the information to the right people as well.
One last thing before we begin. Some of you (ok, most of you) get turned on by hypnotic phenomena. Some might even get turned on reading about how a deep, irresistible relationship can be forged through suggestion, manipulation, sexual desire, and other techniques. It’s perfectly fine to get turned on reading about these things in a safe space, because the whole time, the more turned on you become, the deeper your unconscious mind can absorb this information. It can then protect you from anyone attempting to use these techniques on you to your detriment.
So let’s begin.
1. Selection. Perhaps the biggest predictor of whether a tist will be able to pull a sub so deep under his sway he won’t be willing or able to escape is whether the sub has the ability to go under so deep as to become almost completely dissociated from his actual experiences. While everyone can experience the power and pleasure of hypnosis, a relatively small proportion experiences in a way that’s conducive to the kind of dissociation an abuser needs to create. And it’s not just abusers who select those kinds of subjects. In Derren Brown’s Assassin, you can get a glimpse of this process. The same process, if not longer, takes place for virtually every show he does.
Because such extra-suggestible subjects make up a minority of the general population, an abusive tist needs to weed out the wrong ones quickly. One way to do that would be to ask an experienced sub if he experiences hypnotic amnesia or if he remembers his last session. If he experiences amnesia, then it’s more likely he can be given a detrimental suggestion that he’ll fail to remember. This isn’t the only trait an abusive tist is looking for, but if you make it clear right away - perhaps even before your first session - that you remember every suggestion you receive in your sessions, an abusive tist will be likely to move on.
2. Escalation. This is sometimes known as the “foot in the door technique”. At first, the tist seems like the pinnacle of charm. He builds a deep rapport with you, where you feel connected, safe, and understood. Then he gets you to do something that’s just a little out of your comfort zone or against your interests. A small thing you wouldn’t normally notice and can readily forgive, especially when it’s done by someone who relaxes, mesmerizes, and turns you on so powerfully. Then, he bends your boundaries a little further. Then further. This is a common principle of influence. The more compliant someone is, the more compliant they are likely to become.
So if you pick up this pattern of escalating demands or pushes further and further beyond your initial boundaries - there’s a reasonable chance this is leading to more than what you bargained for. Of course, as your boundaries morph, you may be unaware that the tist’s suggestions are escalating. This is why you should write down what your intentions and boundaries for a hypnotic relationship are. And, it goes without saying, these should be communicated definitively and clearly to every new tist before you go under.
3. Random Reinforcement. In the pickup/speed seduction community, this is sometimes called “the push-pull technique”. Once an abuser has gained your rapport and desire, he may start becoming increasingly aloof, distant, disinterested. Sometimes your attempts to approach him will be turned away, and only sometimes rewarded with attention, pleasure, and erotic bliss. Believe it or not, this is far more effective at addicting you to that tist than always being nice to you would be. This is because we are conditioned by centuries of evolution to chase rewards that are offered randomly, rather than those that are offered reliably. This is why people get addicted to gambling, to checking their social media, and yes - to abusive relationships. Especially when the reward the abuser can randomly bestow is the release of the most intense pleasure of which your body is capable.
4. Isolation. To increase attachment and need for the pleasure he provides, an abuser may try to isolate you from other sources of pleasure in your life. These can include your hobbies, your friends, and maybe even your family and romantic partners. It works to his benefit that many in the gay community and especially the hypno-fetish community are already somewhat isolated.
Through isolation an abuser gains more than the control over your sexual pleasure. He gains control of your social pleasure as well (and yes, socializing is a source of pleasure - a crucial one, at that). Thus, isolation makes you even more susceptible to the push-and-pull technique discussed in the previous section.
One particular kind of isolation almost entirely unique to abusers is lowering the victim’s sense of self-worth. Suggesting to the victim (in or out of hypnosis) that nobody else would want him; that nobody else cares. When a victim accepts and internalizes these suggestions, he becomes even more deeply bound to his abuser.
Abuse vs. Dominance
Of course, in the hypno-fetish community and in a hypnotist-subject relationship in general, some elements similar to the ones I described above may occur in healthy relationships. At least, they may appear to be similar at first glance.
1. Selection. Hypnotists can be selective in all kinds of ways for all kinds of reasons. For instance, I’m selective on age and appearance, but am not at all selective on any estimate of “suggestibility”. I actually love trancing first-timers. Some hypnotists, especially those just starting out, may prefer subjects with experience. If you’ve never been hypnotized, don’t lie that you have been just so you can claim not to experience hypnotic amnesia. Just be very clear about your boundaries and that you define any trespass of those boundaries as abuse. That statement alone can cause an abuser to lose interest.
2. Escalation. In a healthy tist-sub relationship, some tists may postpone more intense suggestions until a deeper trust and rapport is built. This is not the same as abusive escalation because in the healthy relationship all the suggestions are within your boundaries. Of course, sometimes boundaries change without a suggestion from a hypnotist. For example, you may not trust a hypnotist with an in-person meeting on your first encounter, but he may genuinely earn your trust over weeks or months of a healthy hypno relationship. And the truth is, some subs may never know why their boundaries grew to beyond what they were when they first met a tist. And that’s a risk a sub takes going under a hypnotist’s sway.
3. Random Reinforcement. I have used a variation of this technique in healthy relationships. Sometimes, I’d let a jock sub cum during a session, and sometimes I would not. Often, this would happen right after his flexing, so that the behavior of flexing would be randomly reinforced by the occasional hypnogasm. The difference between this and abuse, to my mind, is that in a healthy relationship the tist always treats the sub with care even when strategically denying and controlling some of his pleasures. The sub always feels welcomed and safe, never ignored or rejected. This is not to say no hypnotist is ever rude to a sub. I certainly have been. But for non-abusive tists, rudeness is a human failing, a gross and regrettable misstep rather than an intentional technique of manipulation.
4. Isolation. Here too, there may be some overlaps. For instance, I overwhelmingly prefer subs who are not in relationships, so there are no commitments that we risk violating. And some tists may want to have exclusive hypno relationships with their subs, so that there is no risk of conflicting or confounding suggestions from a different tist. The difference here is that these preferences are consciously communicated to the sub at the start of the relationship and are undertaken to protect the sub’s interests.
So that’s all I have. Have you been abused through hypnosis? I’d love to hear your experiences. And if you are being abused now, first, immediately and permanently block any means of communication with your abuser. Then, contact a trained mental health professional for assistance. This is your chance to run away from your abuser. Right now. You may not get a second chance. Some victims don’t even get one.
So, you want to get hypnotised. Awesome. But here are a few pointers if you decide to ask me to put you under.
Read my ‘Get Hypnotised!’ page; it sets out the few rules about hypnosis that I have and explains how to get in touch with me.
Online hypnosis needs Skype, a (decent quality) webcam, and a mic and speakers/headphones so that we can both hear each other. No cam/mic means no session - period.
Expect to be asked for a photo, if you don’t send me one. I get lots of requests to hypnotise and, rightly or wrongly, I’m picky about who I choose as a subject.
And most importantly, be able to have a conversation about yourself, and what you want to get out of going under. You don’t have to be an expert (or even ever have been under before, first-time subjects are some of my favourite sessions). But, hypnosis is about trust and consent; and that comes with mature and sensible discussion, not demands from the outset to be enslaved or made to cum - we can get to that later :)
So, please do keep all this in mind. I don’t want to put you off, but hopefully, this will help you understand my expectations so that you can tell me about yours.