Do you have any tips for how to negotiate hypnosis play?
Yes. So when I am negotiating hypnosis play, I ask for four individual lists, in Discord. And I ask for each list to be labeled, and each item on that list to be its own line. So I am able to pin them into our DMs, for easy locating while they are in trance. These four lists are…
Hard Limits:
Limit 1.
Limit 2.
Etc.
(Things you absolutely will not do, even if someone offered you $100.)
Landmine:
Landmine 1.
Landmine 2.
Etc.
(Things you know you don’t respond well to that the hypnotist should be aware of. Such as, if you are afraid of heights. “Saying falling.” may be a landmine. Or if someone has a common trigger in you you don’t want duplicated by someone else. Or anything else that the hypnotist may stumble upon accidentally which you know you won’t respond well to. I hate being called Sweetie. Out of trance its an annoyance, in trance its made me cry. So, “calling me Sweetie” is one of my landmines.)
Safewords:
Safeword to Pause and discuss.
Safeword to Stop all play and Start aftercare.
Safeword to Start play or Convey something is good for you.
(I work with a lot of people across the world. The Stoplight system seems to be pretty universal. Yellow = Pause, Red = Stop, and Green = Go.
You may chose other words. If you want to pick other words, chose words that make you feel safe, come to you automatically and that you are unlikely to say during a session.)
Hypnotic/BDSM Interests:
Interest 1.
Interest 2.
Etc.
(Things they like experiencing under trance. I will ask them to delete anything I’m not okay with doing. I also ask them a few of the things I am really into. If they are interested in those, too, I’ll ask for those interests to be added to the list.
Then we have a set pre-negotiated list I can pull from anytime I am working with them. If I’m doing a session in which one aspect isn’t working for either of us, I can easily let it go, look on their Hypnotic Interests list and snag something from there.)
I tell them they can edit these lists at anytime. I just need to be informed they have done so and what the edit is.
This is proper negotiation. Organized so the Hypnotist can easily look it up when they need it, even if the subject is deep in trance.
If you think this is good information, please reblog. Share this information. I often go to negotiate with new Calebs and they are surprised, and impressed, at how organized my negotiation is. The more people who know how to properly negotiate, the better it is for the community.
Freely
given, informed consent is the cornerstone of what I do; as it should
be for any hypnotist. To hypnotise someone without their informed
consent is at best unethical, perhaps illegal. Erotic hypnosis without
informed consent is certainly illegal.
What does consent look like?
In
my country - the UK - for consent to be valid it must be voluntary,
informed, and the person consenting must have the necessary capacity to
make the decision. These terms can be defined as:
voluntary – the decision to either consent or not
to consent must be made by the person themselves, and must
not be influenced by pressure from others
informed – the person must be given all of the
information in terms of what the treatment involves, including the
benefits and risks
capacity – the person must be capable of giving
consent, which means they understand the information given to them and
they can use it to make an informed decision
For
practical purposes, this means that we need to have a conversation,
before your hypnosis session starts, about what you want to do. There
needs to be an agreement between the two of us about what will happen in
the session, and I need to be satisfied that you fully understand what
you’re agreeing to. If any of those things doesn’t happen, there can be
no hypnosis.
It’s not enough just to say “yes,” or, “do whatever you like.”
I want to recount a conversation I had with a prospective
hypnosis subject the other day. I’m hiding their name - for obvious
reasons, but this is how it went, after the general introductions:
Me: So have you ever been hypnotised before?
Him: Yeah on here never in person.
Me: Cool, so what are you hoping to do with me?
Him:
I was originally looking for a hypnotist to make me better in the gym. I
don’t know what happened, but now I want to get hypnotised more and
more.
Me: What kinds of things have you done with hypnosis before?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: You don’t remember?
Him: No
Me: Okay, no worries. Anything you want to ask me?
Him: How old are you?
Me: I’m 34
Him: What do you do to people you hypnotise?
Me:
How do I hypnotise people you mean? There are a few different ways,
from having them look at a spot, to relaxation and breathing exercise,
and other things. It varies from person to person, because what works
well for one person might not work as well for another. Everyone’s
different.
Him: What do you do when they are hypnotised?
Me:
That’s up to the person being hypnotised. Some people just want to
experience hypnosis and see what it’s like, some want to do fun things -
like you’d see in a stage hypnosis show, and others want to experience
loss of control (like being a slave), or erotic/sexual stuff. But
they’re all things we talk a out before a session to make sure that
we’re both happy about what we’re doing.
Me: Anything else you’d like to ask?
Him: But on your Tumblr, what are you wanting?
Me: I’m not sure what you mean.
Him: You are wanting people to hypnotise?
Me: Yeah. Tumblr is always a good place to find volunteers.
Him: I want to volunteer.
Me: Okay, cool. Why do you wan to volunteer? Why do you want to be hypnotised by me?
Him: It would be for the best.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: Just needs to happen
Me: Okay, let me ask a different question. What are you hoping I’ll do with you in hypnosis?
Him: Anything you want. Just like your Tumblr.
Me: There’s lots of different things on there. Can you be specific about the kind of thing you’re looking for?
Him: Just do what you want.
Me:
That’s not how it works I’m afraid. I can’t just “do what I want”
because that would be unethical. Consent demands that I understand what
you want and ensure that you both understand what you’re asking and give
your informed consent. That’s the law; plus it keeps both of us safe.
Him: You have consent
Me: That’s not how consent works, lol. I need to know that you’ve understood the specifics of what you’re asking for, what that means, and what the effect of it is.
Him: I understand
Me: So tell me, specifically, what you want me to do.
Him: Anything you want
Me: Such as what?
Him: We are going around in circles I’m going to bed.
We
were indeed going around in circles, but there’s a reason for that. I
needed to know what this person wanted to happen in their session(s).
Without that information, there’s no consent. Sometimes, people
genuinely don’t know what they want and I can provide ideas, options,
and alternatives - as I did above, when I explained about the different
options. However, the process of choice still has to be led by the
person asking to get hypnotised.
In the absence of any answers
from the person I’ve quoted about what he wanted, I couldn’t be sure
that he understood what he was asking for. In short, there could be no
consent, and so no hypnosis.
I’d like to say that this is a one-off example, or unusual, but it’s not. I probably have conversations like this once a week.
So, what’s the right way to go about asking for hypnosis?
Be
open, and be honest. If you don’t know what you want to do, say so and
we’ll discuss options and possibilities. Most importantly, understand
that I am not going to make decisions for you and that, “do whatever you
want,” isn’t something that’s going to happen.
Once I get to
know you, we’ve done a few sessions together, and built up a
relationship of sorts, then there’s an opportunity for more ‘surprises’
to be built into your hypnosis experience. In your first session,
though, it’s not going to happen.
Anyway, rant over. Just
remember, I respect honesty and openness; if you’re evasive or I can’t
be confident I have your fully informed consent to hypnotise you, I’m
just going to pick someone else to do a session with.
This is one of the most common question I get asked, and one of the hardest to answer because it depends on where you live.
In the UK
If you, like me, are in the UK, then there is no law that says how
old you must be to get hypnotised. However, you must be able to give
your ‘informed consent’.
Anyone aged of 16 or over is presumed to be able to give their
informed consent unless there’s a reason to suspect that’s not the case
(e.g. they have learning difficulties). So, if you’re in the UK and are aged 16 or over, you’re good to go.
Under 16s
If you’re in the UK and aged 15 or under, the law isn’t quite as
clear. Your ability to give informed consent as a child or young person
is governed by a legal test known as “Gillick Competency,” which says that:
“…it is not enough that she should
understand the nature of the advice which is being given: she must also
have a sufficient maturity to understand what is involved.”
and
“parental right yields to the
child’s right to make his own decisions when he reaches a sufficient
understanding and intelligence to be capable of making up his own mind
on the matter requiring decision.”
This means that if you are mature enough to understand what you are
doing, what is involved, the implications of it, and weigh up the
potential risks and benefits, then you can give your own consent to
being hypnotised.
So, it’s a question of maturity. If you’re mature and responsible enough to make an informed decision, then you can get hypnotised. As
a guide, most 15 year olds are likely to be able to make that decision
on their own, most 11 year olds are not. If you don’t seem mature and
grown up enough to make the decision on your own, please don’t be
offended if I ask you to come back when you’re older.
All of that said, you should always discuss anything you
do online with trusted friends and family. They can help you stay safe.
And if you have any concerns about being asked to do things you aren’t
comfortable with, or shouldn’t be asked to do, talk to a parent,
teacher, or ChildLine for help.
There are some people online who want to hurt you, including in the
hypnosis community, and your safety is the most important thing.
Erotic Hypnosis
I do get asked to do hypnosis sessions with an erotic or sexual focus. This is something I do, although I’ve written before about how these aren’t always my favourite kind of session.
UK law says that the youngest age at which you are legally able to
consent to any kind of sexual activity is 16, so this is the youngest
you can be to have this kind of session.
However, just like anyone else, you shouldn’t expect your first
session with me to go that way. I want to get to know you and build some
kind of relationship before we do anything erotic. This applies even
more so if you’re younger, because I need to know that you genuinely
consent, and it’s what you really want.
Outside the UK
Laws vary around the world, and I’m not a lawyer so I can’t give a
definitive answer to how old you have to be to get hypnotised in Country
X. As a guide, you should be of an age where, in your country, it would
be legal for you to:
be a subject in a stage hypnosis show without anyone else’s permission; and
(for erotic hypnosis) have sex.
Because I’m in the UK, you also need to comply with UK law as explained above.
Maximum age
I prefer hypnotising younger people. Generally, younger people are
better subjects for hypnosis, and more fun to work with. If you’re older
than me (34 at the time of writing), I’m unlikely to consider you. But,
get in touch and ask, you’ve nothing to lose.
Any questions?
This is a challenging, and sometimes controversial, topic. Use the comments to discuss it (in a mature manner) or Contact Me if you have a specific question and I’ll see what I can do to help.