Understanding Consent
Freely given, informed consent is the cornerstone of what I do; as it should be for any hypnotist. To hypnotise someone without their informed consent is at best unethical, perhaps illegal. Erotic hypnosis without informed consent is certainly illegal.
What does consent look like?
In my country - the UK - for consent to be valid it must be voluntary, informed, and the person consenting must have the necessary capacity to make the decision. These terms can be defined as:
- voluntary – the decision to either consent or not to consent must be made by the person themselves, and must not be influenced by pressure from others
- informed – the person must be given all of the information in terms of what the treatment involves, including the benefits and risks
- capacity – the person must be capable of giving consent, which means they understand the information given to them and they can use it to make an informed decision
For practical purposes, this means that we need to have a conversation, before your hypnosis session starts, about what you want to do. There needs to be an agreement between the two of us about what will happen in the session, and I need to be satisfied that you fully understand what you’re agreeing to. If any of those things doesn’t happen, there can be no hypnosis.
It’s not enough just to say “yes,” or, “do whatever you like.”
I want to recount a conversation I had with a prospective hypnosis subject the other day. I’m hiding their name - for obvious reasons, but this is how it went, after the general introductions:
Me: So have you ever been hypnotised before?
Him: Yeah on here never in person.
Me: Cool, so what are you hoping to do with me?
Him: I was originally looking for a hypnotist to make me better in the gym. I don’t know what happened, but now I want to get hypnotised more and more.
Me: What kinds of things have you done with hypnosis before?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: You don’t remember?
Him: No
Me: Okay, no worries. Anything you want to ask me?
Him: How old are you?
Me: I’m 34
Him: What do you do to people you hypnotise?
Me: How do I hypnotise people you mean? There are a few different ways, from having them look at a spot, to relaxation and breathing exercise, and other things. It varies from person to person, because what works well for one person might not work as well for another. Everyone’s different.
Him: What do you do when they are hypnotised?
Me: That’s up to the person being hypnotised. Some people just want to experience hypnosis and see what it’s like, some want to do fun things - like you’d see in a stage hypnosis show, and others want to experience loss of control (like being a slave), or erotic/sexual stuff. But they’re all things we talk a out before a session to make sure that we’re both happy about what we’re doing.
Me: Anything else you’d like to ask?
Him: But on your Tumblr, what are you wanting?
Me: I’m not sure what you mean.
Him: You are wanting people to hypnotise?
Me: Yeah. Tumblr is always a good place to find volunteers.
Him: I want to volunteer.
Me: Okay, cool. Why do you wan to volunteer? Why do you want to be hypnotised by me?
Him: It would be for the best.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: Just needs to happen
Me: Okay, let me ask a different question. What are you hoping I’ll do with you in hypnosis?
Him: Anything you want. Just like your Tumblr.
Me: There’s lots of different things on there. Can you be specific about the kind of thing you’re looking for?
Him: Just do what you want.
Me: That’s not how it works I’m afraid. I can’t just “do what I want” because that would be unethical. Consent demands that I understand what you want and ensure that you both understand what you’re asking and give your informed consent. That’s the law; plus it keeps both of us safe.
Him: You have consent
Me: That’s not how consent works, lol. I need to know that you’ve understood the specifics of what you’re asking for, what that means, and what the effect of it is.
Him: I understand
Me: So tell me, specifically, what you want me to do.
Him: Anything you want
Me: Such as what?
Him: We are going around in circles I’m going to bed.
We were indeed going around in circles, but there’s a reason for that. I needed to know what this person wanted to happen in their session(s). Without that information, there’s no consent. Sometimes, people genuinely don’t know what they want and I can provide ideas, options, and alternatives - as I did above, when I explained about the different options. However, the process of choice still has to be led by the person asking to get hypnotised.
In the absence of any answers
from the person I’ve quoted about what he wanted, I couldn’t be sure
that he understood what he was asking for. In short, there could be no
consent, and so no hypnosis.
I’d like to say that this is a one-off example, or unusual, but it’s not. I probably have conversations like this once a week.
So, what’s the right way to go about asking for hypnosis?
Be open, and be honest. If you don’t know what you want to do, say so and we’ll discuss options and possibilities. Most importantly, understand that I am not going to make decisions for you and that, “do whatever you want,” isn’t something that’s going to happen.
Once I get to know you, we’ve done a few sessions together, and built up a relationship of sorts, then there’s an opportunity for more ‘surprises’ to be built into your hypnosis experience. In your first session, though, it’s not going to happen.
Anyway, rant over. Just remember, I respect honesty and openness; if you’re evasive or I can’t be confident I have your fully informed consent to hypnotise you, I’m just going to pick someone else to do a session with.